Reality is not my forte. Never has been.
Keeping my heart open in reality takes too much work, too much courage. As a young child I would go into the trees behind our house and play with imaginary friends instead of the real ones I had.
As an elementary school kid I would go ride my bike and feel the wind in my hair, instead of doing my homework.
As a teenager I would, well, avoid reality whenever I could.
As an adult, I focus on things that are not important such as their messy room, how it takes them too long to respond when I am talking, and how they forgot to do their laundry.
I focus on goals I am not accomplishing in each moment such as feeding all the hungry children of the world and housing all the homeless.
I waste precious time escaping reality on Facebook and watching movies on Netflix when I could be spending time with the people I deeply love, giving them all my heart.
My mind is visibly elsewhere during Minecraft explanations, origami demonstrations and D & D .. whatever they are called.
I am busy trying to brush their hair and make them eat broccoli when they are just wanting a hug and a book read to them.
I am planning the open design kitchen my husband will build me instead of the amazing way he sits with the children to help them focus on their homework every school night.
All these things do want to get done, but in each moment, I want to be in that moment, not the next or the one before. What is it they say about having one foot in the present and the other in the future.. something happens to the present, ahem.
I want to walk with my heart in the lead, not with my mind spinning.
This is the work for me this coming year. Writing it here makes it true, yes?
This Yom Kippur, I will praying for more time to do this work and correct this tendency as much as I can. I will be praying for one more year to give them hugs, sit down to dinner, and maybe even pretend to love Minecraft. I will be praying for one more year and the wisdom to appreciate it and to treat it as the gift that it truly is.
May it be a beautiful year of peace, health, love and light for all of us.